Bad Choices

by Jo Robertson

Nowadays we speak to our children about making choices. You can make a good choice or a bad choice. We don’t tell them they are bad. Or did something bad. We’ve grown psychologically beyond the use of that esteem-deflating language.

"You made a bad choice, didn't you," we tell our children. Annie (above) makes a lot of bad choices. She's two.

But let's face it. As adults we make a lot of stupid, dumb, or just plain bad choices.

I for one have done my share of foolish things.

Made a lot of bad choices.

Oh, nothing I could be sent to jail for. Nothing really outrageous like the gross tattoo in The Red Dragon (below). Nothing illegal or even terribly dishonest, or even very dangerous or risky.

Stacked up beside the lives of some people, I’ve probably led a fairly tame existence.

But still.

Some of my choices were really stupid. Decisions I regretted almost the moment the act was completed.

Here’s a list of five foolish things I’ve done, in no particular order, and not even the most foolish, but stuff I would undo in a New-York minute if given the chance.

1. I made out with Ronnie H. after a first date one night my sophomore year in college. I didn’t particularly like him, but I wanted to see what it would be like to go hot and heavy with someone who was little more than a stranger. Yucky, that’s how it felt, and I didn’t learn anything I couldn’t have figured out on my own. Ewwwww.

2. I regret making fun of the two young girls who went to Scotland with us. I called them Barbie #1 and Barbie #2 and threatened to kill them off in my next book. They took the kidding in good-natured fun and I regret thinking how shallow they were talking about their clothes, jewelry, and boob jobs. Okay, they were pretty shallow, but they were really nice too and I should've been a kinder person. I know better. (The image to the right is blurred to protect the not-so-innocent.)

3. I truly, truly regret my separate surgeries of a c-section and hysterectomy. What was I thinking??? Those double incisions are just about the ugliest things I’ve ever seen and no amount of topical applications or sit-ups will fix them. Ugh.

4. I lied to a young teacher I was mentoring. I knew within the first week of school that she wasn’t going to make it as a teacher; she didn’t have that special kick. At best she’d be a pedestrian teacher. But I couldn’t bear to burst her bubble of dreams, so I kept encouraging her even though I KNEW she’d drop out sooner or later. She did. I felt bad. I could’ve saved her several years of her life.

5. I really regret getting permanent eyebrows. I convinced myself they weren’t tattoos. What a crock! Yuck!


What are some of the dumb things you’ve done? Come on, fess up and share. What’s said in the Lair, stays in the Lair!





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